Feeling Under Appreciated?

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." - Colossians 3:23-24

In the words of men greater than I, (the Prophets Isaiah and Jeremiah and the Apostle Paul) "Woe is me!" 

I must confess the discrepancy between blog entries has been longer than I anticipated or even desired.  To be honest, life has thrown my family a curveball and I am learning to adapt and overcome on a daily basis.  My father had survived lung cancer but his failing health has our family in constant concern.  During the past couple of weeks his health has gotten worse and our need for concern was confirmed.  The cancer has metastasized to the right, rear cerebellum. This affects his motor skills and short term memory.  

It seemed as though we have been taking him to Doctor's appointments or emergency room visits day after day, sometimes twice in a day for months.  It has been exhausting.  My father used to live with me, but my sister and her family moved here from another state recently to be closer to dad and help out.  He moved in with her. 

My sister and her family were no less busy than I, as a single parent of high school Junior.  You can imagine how tired, exhausted, and under appreciated we might have all felt at times...but if my dad needed to go to the hospital at midnight, we would load the car up and take him. No hesitations. 

Having set the stage for what happened this week, I want to share with you how amazing God was to show up for me even while I was being my "woeful" human self, flesh kicked into full gear, feeling tired, exhausted, overwhelmed, sorry for myself, but trying to keep a smile on for the rest of the world.  

My father had a doctor appointment on Monday, (after I had spent a physically and emotionally exhausting week out of town with my daughter).  Typically (not always) the receptionists look at the computer screen while asking for your information in a monotone voice.  Then, without really looking up, they check you in, or say they can not help you, etc. and call for the next in line.  

This was not the case with the receptionist who we went to for help with my father's schedule.  Regina was smiling, glowing almost, as she looked at my father and asked him for his information.  When she asked if I was his emergency contact, I replied "Yes," and then it happened...her necklace sparkled, and caught my attention, to which I said "Never mind me, I am just admiring your necklace."  

Regina studied the computer screen and I could see some confusion, the same confusion we had.  "He is supposed to have an appointment tomorrow but it is not showing up in is schedule." I told her.  "Can you help us?"  
"You are right, nothing is listed here.  Let me call down to that department and find out for you." She smiled as she picked up the phone.  

Immediately, my father's phone rang.  It was Debbie from the other department to confirm my father's appointment on Tuesday.  Regina did not even have the opportunity to dial the number.  She allowed us to remain in her cubicle rather than making us move to talk on the phone.  My father had me talk to Debbie to confirm the details as his memory is failing.  

After hanging up, we thanked Regina for helping us and my dad began to walk away but Regina handed me something in an envelope.  I told her I had my father's list of appointments and medications already, but when I glanced down I saw my name on it.  She said, "It is for you." With her big, beautiful smile she handed me the envelope. Then I notice it was missing!  Her necklace.  She had taken it off and put it in the envelope.   

I was stunned.  Speechless.  My throat tightened and tears began to well up as I started to hand it back. I could not take her necklace.  She just smiled as she said, "This is for you."  My father had left for the elevator and I needed to get to him.  My head was spinning.  She does not know the circumstances facing our family or how tired I am today. If she only knew how blessed I feel in this moment.  How could I even find the words to express everything going through my mind.  I filled out a "STAR" employee recognition card at her place of employment. Not for the gift, but for the sweet patience and graciousness she showed my dad and I during such a tender time.  

Once home that afternoon, I opened the envelope and read the note she included with the necklace.  The feelings of blessing washed over me again.   
I shared this story with everyone I spoke to the whole day, until I ran out of new faces to tell. 

WOE IS ME

In the light of this blessing, still feeling overwhelmed and tired. The list of to do's seems to be longer than the day.  Between a teenage daughter, hours spent at the doctor appointments, not to mention the travel time to and from, then home to a house that needs to be picked up, laundry, dishes and dinner (which is the last thing one thinks about when under so much stress, but everyone else wants to eat). I do not even have the chance to go grocery shopping...when do I have the time, so what is there to cook?  

See, where I am going with this? I started to feel a little under appreciated...
I was running myself ragged, coming home, cleaning house, trying to pull something together for dinner when I could barely stand, jump in bed with my bible and one of three devotionals that I could read maybe a verse or paragraph before falling asleep and then doing it all over again the next day. Thursday night at my sister's house we were syncing our calendars with dad's appointment schedule.  We try to both attend, but we take when our schedules conflict.  This also helps with caregiver stress.  I am glad God moved my sister  here (another great story) and we have each other during this difficult time. 

Back to Thursday night, I began to feel under appreciated, NOT by my father or sister. It can seem that the mother's work is never done (and this is not even about my daughter) more about appreciation in general.  I started on a "little-feeling-sorry-for-myself" trip and before you know it, I was on the all-inclusive "No-One-Thanks-You-for-Dinner-Or-Helps-Around-The-House-Or-Says-Wow-You-Have-A-Lot-On-Your-Plate-And-You-Still-Do-ALL-This-For-Others-How-Can-I-Help-You?" vacation.  My bags were packed and I was set to sail off to some dreary island not focusing on the blessings and appreciation all around (more on that in a minute). 

After appointments on Friday, I searched out Regina and I heard her smiling voice helping someone else even before I could see her.  I waited until her cubicle was empty and stepped in front of it.  She stood up, eyes widened and smiling, she motioned for me to come closer.  

"I got your note." She said. "I am so happy you came back because I really wanted to tell you what happened but I did not know how to tell you right then." She began. "That morning, when I got dressed, I went to put my necklace on.  I had not seen that necklace in over a year so I put it on, but the Holy Spirit to me to take an extra one with me. I thought that was strange because I never take two necklaces to work but when the Holy Spirit tells you to do something, you obey him." She said.

Regina went on to say, "When you said you admired my necklace, the Holy Spirit said, 'Give it to her.  I want her to feel appreciated.  I want her to know I appreciate her.'"  

She said, "I was not sure how you were going to take what I had to say to you, but since you came back today, I know I have to tell you. He wants you to know, He appreciates you.  He sees what you are doing and He appreciates you." 

I started to cry, I came there to tell her how she had blessed me, even though she did not know what I was going through.  But I did not need to tell her. And she did not bless me.  God used her to bless me as He does each of us who are willing instruments in His Orchestra.  He knows everything, all the time, and He is the One we need to look to for appreciation, not other people especially and including our family and friends. 

After talking a minute more, I asked if I could use her name in writing this story and she graciously gave her permission.    

I ran into Regina one more time that afternoon, in the hallway.  She impressed upon me the message the Holy Spirit had given her (last Monday as she saw me...remember He did not tell her that morning why she would bring two necklaces to work, just to do it and she obeyed).

"He wants you to know He appreciates you.  He sees what you do. And He loves you."  Immediately, I began to mentally unpack my "feeling-sorry-myself-suitcase" and trade in the tickets to "Feeling-Overlooked-Island" at "Humble-Junction."

God is Good.  Everything He does is good.