Coming face to face with separation anxiety has to be one of the more deeply painful experiences I can share with you. Logically, I can tell you why this anxiety makes its presence known in my mind. But emotionally I continue to find myself sucker-punched when I least expect it.
My father has Stage 4 lung cancer that has metastasized to the brain. While dealing with his doctors and nurses and all of the day to day issues of life and dying, I began to eat and sleep less than my body required.
"The peace of God, which passeth all understanding..."(Philippians 4:7) had kept my heart and mind through Christ Jesus and carried me through these past several months. But when my sisters and I went to pre-plan funeral arrangements for my father I began to lose a battle in my mind that I didn't realize was being waged. As a result my mind went to a dark place worrying about everyone I care about and love.
Thoughts of each person raced through my mind and fear set in as I began to worry that my loved ones were going to leave. Now, realistically I understood my father was ill and when it is God's time, my father will exchange his earthly body for an eternal one and take up residence in Heaven. But I couldn't understand why I started to fear the loss of everyone. This fear of loss continued to spiral until that is all I could see.
After help from friends and family and a team of doctors, nurses and pastors, I was finally able to identify the source of my anxiety. "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7) and it is with this knowledge that God carried me through the battle of my mind.
Ever feel cold with the sun on your face?
Ever feel alone in a crowded place?
Ever feel ashamed for a part of your past?
Ever feel like the dye's been cast?
When you find yourself there
And you are haunted by your cares.
Remember, you've got to carry on,
It's always darkest before dawn.
So when the day breaks anew
You will see the Son shining through.
And then you will know
You are never alone.
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