Proverbs 12:25 (NKJV)
Jesus came to bring light into the darkness and that is exactly what He did for me on Christmas Eve.
I had been struggling with sadness and a debilitating depression all day. That day marked one month since my father's death and it was difficult for me to focus on the meaning of Christmas. All I could think of was that my father was not there to share it with me. I cried. I tried not to cry. I cried some more. I could not even wrap the remaining gifts that needed Christmas paper and ribbon so they could be placed under the tree.
I had to get out of my house where everything was reminding me of the Christmas I spent with my father the year before.
I spent the afternoon at my sister's house preparing for Christmas dinner at her house. It helped to occupy my mind a little but she knew I was having a tough day. Neither one of us were looking forward to celebrating this first holiday without dad.
That evening, on my way home, I realized I needed to get ready for the Christmas Eve Candle Light Service. In the car I began to pray/talk to God about needing help focusing on the reason for the season - Jesus - not my grief. I began to recount out loud why we celebrate Christmas...
Jesus came to bring light into the darkness and that is exactly what He did for me on Christmas Eve.
I had been struggling with sadness and a debilitating depression all day. That day marked one month since my father's death and it was difficult for me to focus on the meaning of Christmas. All I could think of was that my father was not there to share it with me. I cried. I tried not to cry. I cried some more. I could not even wrap the remaining gifts that needed Christmas paper and ribbon so they could be placed under the tree.
I had to get out of my house where everything was reminding me of the Christmas I spent with my father the year before.
I spent the afternoon at my sister's house preparing for Christmas dinner at her house. It helped to occupy my mind a little but she knew I was having a tough day. Neither one of us were looking forward to celebrating this first holiday without dad.
That evening, on my way home, I realized I needed to get ready for the Christmas Eve Candle Light Service. In the car I began to pray/talk to God about needing help focusing on the reason for the season - Jesus - not my grief. I began to recount out loud why we celebrate Christmas...
"Jesus was born so He could live His life on earth to die for my sins, He rose from the dead and is in Heaven where my father is with God and I don't need to be sad about that!"
Now, I have to preface what happened next with the fact that The Lord had been impressing upon me to count my blessings for three days and I had been. It started quite simply as little prayer thanking Him for the blessings of a friend and her daughters, but then He led me to read the Hymn "Count Your Blessings" which I had never done before. It really put things into perspective for me, so I had been trying to consciously count my blessings and thank The Lord when He brought to mind all the people in my life He has blessed me with...however, that day I was struggling and had not been able to. So, when I prayed and audibly recounted why I was going to the Candle Light Service I was choosing to break through the fog of depression and count the blessing of Christmas.
I didn't feel better immediately. In fact, nothing changed. I felt the same.
Now, I have to preface what happened next with the fact that The Lord had been impressing upon me to count my blessings for three days and I had been. It started quite simply as little prayer thanking Him for the blessings of a friend and her daughters, but then He led me to read the Hymn "Count Your Blessings" which I had never done before. It really put things into perspective for me, so I had been trying to consciously count my blessings and thank The Lord when He brought to mind all the people in my life He has blessed me with...however, that day I was struggling and had not been able to. So, when I prayed and audibly recounted why I was going to the Candle Light Service I was choosing to break through the fog of depression and count the blessing of Christmas.
I didn't feel better immediately. In fact, nothing changed. I felt the same.
This small prayer gave me enough energy to focus on getting to church but the truth is the depression was so strong I struggled with the simple task of getting my hair and makeup done, so my daughter did it for me. I was determined not to miss the service no matter how heavy the weight of depression seemed.
I stepped into the sanctuary, then I began to feel overwhelmed. All but the front row of seats taken - that was where I sat last year with dad. "It will be ok," I thought. Then I heard, "the front row is reserved for the pretty ladies." I looked and was greeted with a warm smile and a hug. I didn't feel as overwhelmed and realized God was in control so I took and deep breath and sat down.
A few minutes went by as I surveyed the manger scene, the cross, the candles and more people filtered in and took their seats. Then I heard a familiar voice directly behind me. I began to turn around and I felt a hand on my shoulder, "I've been thinking about you." In a sincere voice that only another who understands the loss of someone dear could express in that moment.
I stepped into the sanctuary, then I began to feel overwhelmed. All but the front row of seats taken - that was where I sat last year with dad. "It will be ok," I thought. Then I heard, "the front row is reserved for the pretty ladies." I looked and was greeted with a warm smile and a hug. I didn't feel as overwhelmed and realized God was in control so I took and deep breath and sat down.
A few minutes went by as I surveyed the manger scene, the cross, the candles and more people filtered in and took their seats. Then I heard a familiar voice directly behind me. I began to turn around and I felt a hand on my shoulder, "I've been thinking about you." In a sincere voice that only another who understands the loss of someone dear could express in that moment.
"It's been tough, I've had a hard day." I said.
"Count your blessings!" Was the reply. And at that very moment Jesus showed up for me. I was witness to the true meaning of Christmas in that instant. Jesus came to shine His Light into my darkness as my earlier prayer was answered right there through my friend. God was reminding me I have choice to change my perspective and I had made that choice in the car earlier. While I didn't "see" it or "feel" different at the time, I continued to move forward in faith and in an instant during that conversation, in response to my faith, God lifted the grief and depression I had been feeling and gave me a blessing through my friend.
When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
Refrain:
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
*Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.
[*And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.]
Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.
When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings—*money cannot buy [*wealth can never buy]
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.
So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.
When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings—*money cannot buy [*wealth can never buy]
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.
So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.
No comments:
Post a Comment