Love Each Day Without Regret

"Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us."
I John 4:11-12 (NKJV)

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday regarding life, death and the circumstances surrounding my father's current state of health.

He asked whether I would want to know how much time someone had left to live (as with a serious illness) and watch them fade away, or would I rather find out one day they died suddenly?

I said, selfishly, I'd want to have all the time I could with them and have "no regrets." He said, "If you live each day loving them, then you don't have the regret."

Feeling Under Appreciated?

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." - Colossians 3:23-24

In the words of men greater than I, (the Prophets Isaiah and Jeremiah and the Apostle Paul) "Woe is me!" 

I must confess the discrepancy between blog entries has been longer than I anticipated or even desired.  To be honest, life has thrown my family a curveball and I am learning to adapt and overcome on a daily basis.  My father had survived lung cancer but his failing health has our family in constant concern.  During the past couple of weeks his health has gotten worse and our need for concern was confirmed.  The cancer has metastasized to the right, rear cerebellum. This affects his motor skills and short term memory.  

It seemed as though we have been taking him to Doctor's appointments or emergency room visits day after day, sometimes twice in a day for months.  It has been exhausting.  My father used to live with me, but my sister and her family moved here from another state recently to be closer to dad and help out.  He moved in with her. 

My sister and her family were no less busy than I, as a single parent of high school Junior.  You can imagine how tired, exhausted, and under appreciated we might have all felt at times...but if my dad needed to go to the hospital at midnight, we would load the car up and take him. No hesitations. 

Having set the stage for what happened this week, I want to share with you how amazing God was to show up for me even while I was being my "woeful" human self, flesh kicked into full gear, feeling tired, exhausted, overwhelmed, sorry for myself, but trying to keep a smile on for the rest of the world.  

My father had a doctor appointment on Monday, (after I had spent a physically and emotionally exhausting week out of town with my daughter).  Typically (not always) the receptionists look at the computer screen while asking for your information in a monotone voice.  Then, without really looking up, they check you in, or say they can not help you, etc. and call for the next in line.  

This was not the case with the receptionist who we went to for help with my father's schedule.  Regina was smiling, glowing almost, as she looked at my father and asked him for his information.  When she asked if I was his emergency contact, I replied "Yes," and then it happened...her necklace sparkled, and caught my attention, to which I said "Never mind me, I am just admiring your necklace."  

Regina studied the computer screen and I could see some confusion, the same confusion we had.  "He is supposed to have an appointment tomorrow but it is not showing up in is schedule." I told her.  "Can you help us?"  
"You are right, nothing is listed here.  Let me call down to that department and find out for you." She smiled as she picked up the phone.  

Immediately, my father's phone rang.  It was Debbie from the other department to confirm my father's appointment on Tuesday.  Regina did not even have the opportunity to dial the number.  She allowed us to remain in her cubicle rather than making us move to talk on the phone.  My father had me talk to Debbie to confirm the details as his memory is failing.  

After hanging up, we thanked Regina for helping us and my dad began to walk away but Regina handed me something in an envelope.  I told her I had my father's list of appointments and medications already, but when I glanced down I saw my name on it.  She said, "It is for you." With her big, beautiful smile she handed me the envelope. Then I notice it was missing!  Her necklace.  She had taken it off and put it in the envelope.   

I was stunned.  Speechless.  My throat tightened and tears began to well up as I started to hand it back. I could not take her necklace.  She just smiled as she said, "This is for you."  My father had left for the elevator and I needed to get to him.  My head was spinning.  She does not know the circumstances facing our family or how tired I am today. If she only knew how blessed I feel in this moment.  How could I even find the words to express everything going through my mind.  I filled out a "STAR" employee recognition card at her place of employment. Not for the gift, but for the sweet patience and graciousness she showed my dad and I during such a tender time.  

Once home that afternoon, I opened the envelope and read the note she included with the necklace.  The feelings of blessing washed over me again.   
I shared this story with everyone I spoke to the whole day, until I ran out of new faces to tell. 

WOE IS ME

In the light of this blessing, still feeling overwhelmed and tired. The list of to do's seems to be longer than the day.  Between a teenage daughter, hours spent at the doctor appointments, not to mention the travel time to and from, then home to a house that needs to be picked up, laundry, dishes and dinner (which is the last thing one thinks about when under so much stress, but everyone else wants to eat). I do not even have the chance to go grocery shopping...when do I have the time, so what is there to cook?  

See, where I am going with this? I started to feel a little under appreciated...
I was running myself ragged, coming home, cleaning house, trying to pull something together for dinner when I could barely stand, jump in bed with my bible and one of three devotionals that I could read maybe a verse or paragraph before falling asleep and then doing it all over again the next day. Thursday night at my sister's house we were syncing our calendars with dad's appointment schedule.  We try to both attend, but we take when our schedules conflict.  This also helps with caregiver stress.  I am glad God moved my sister  here (another great story) and we have each other during this difficult time. 

Back to Thursday night, I began to feel under appreciated, NOT by my father or sister. It can seem that the mother's work is never done (and this is not even about my daughter) more about appreciation in general.  I started on a "little-feeling-sorry-for-myself" trip and before you know it, I was on the all-inclusive "No-One-Thanks-You-for-Dinner-Or-Helps-Around-The-House-Or-Says-Wow-You-Have-A-Lot-On-Your-Plate-And-You-Still-Do-ALL-This-For-Others-How-Can-I-Help-You?" vacation.  My bags were packed and I was set to sail off to some dreary island not focusing on the blessings and appreciation all around (more on that in a minute). 

After appointments on Friday, I searched out Regina and I heard her smiling voice helping someone else even before I could see her.  I waited until her cubicle was empty and stepped in front of it.  She stood up, eyes widened and smiling, she motioned for me to come closer.  

"I got your note." She said. "I am so happy you came back because I really wanted to tell you what happened but I did not know how to tell you right then." She began. "That morning, when I got dressed, I went to put my necklace on.  I had not seen that necklace in over a year so I put it on, but the Holy Spirit to me to take an extra one with me. I thought that was strange because I never take two necklaces to work but when the Holy Spirit tells you to do something, you obey him." She said.

Regina went on to say, "When you said you admired my necklace, the Holy Spirit said, 'Give it to her.  I want her to feel appreciated.  I want her to know I appreciate her.'"  

She said, "I was not sure how you were going to take what I had to say to you, but since you came back today, I know I have to tell you. He wants you to know, He appreciates you.  He sees what you are doing and He appreciates you." 

I started to cry, I came there to tell her how she had blessed me, even though she did not know what I was going through.  But I did not need to tell her. And she did not bless me.  God used her to bless me as He does each of us who are willing instruments in His Orchestra.  He knows everything, all the time, and He is the One we need to look to for appreciation, not other people especially and including our family and friends. 

After talking a minute more, I asked if I could use her name in writing this story and she graciously gave her permission.    

I ran into Regina one more time that afternoon, in the hallway.  She impressed upon me the message the Holy Spirit had given her (last Monday as she saw me...remember He did not tell her that morning why she would bring two necklaces to work, just to do it and she obeyed).

"He wants you to know He appreciates you.  He sees what you do. And He loves you."  Immediately, I began to mentally unpack my "feeling-sorry-myself-suitcase" and trade in the tickets to "Feeling-Overlooked-Island" at "Humble-Junction."

God is Good.  Everything He does is good. 

Feeling Anxious?

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." - Psalm 139:23, 24 (NKJV)

“It’s OK to be afraid. It’s not OK to be afraid and disobedient.” - Chip Ingram

What is God asking you to do?  Preach?  Go into the world and teach?  Pray?  Serve a specific group of His children?  Feed the hungry?  Clothe the needy?  Give?  Love the unlovely?  Are you obediently answering His call or are you afraid you lack the necessary qualifications?  Are you allowing feelings of insecurity keep you from doing the work God has gifted you to do?  

If you allow anxieties to control your actions, you may tend to tread cautiously, if you take any action at all.  This lack of boldness in activity highlights a lack of faith.  ^"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7).  It is with this knowledge that you can confidently face your fears and take steps of obedience.

Happy Birthday

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
     Before you were born I sanctified you;
          I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”
               - Jeremiah 1:5 (NKJV)

How do you celebrate your birthday? Do you send invitations, order balloons, cake and ice cream? What is your favorite part about the day? Do you spend time with family and friends? What about presents? Do you look forward to packages wrapped in pretty paper?

Everyday is like your birthday with The Lord and He wants to daily bless you.  Do you see how He blesses you with gifts?  Are you willing to look for them?  When you receive them, do you acknowledge their source?

"Blessed be the Lord, who daily loads us with benefits, the God of our salvation! Selah"
     - Psalms 68:19 (NKJV)

Arrangement

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”  Romans 8:28 (NKJV)

In a previous blog post “His Ways” I began to define God’s Orchestra using Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary.  While I didn’t have any clearer understanding of the meaning of God’s Orchestra, I found a clue which gave a direction to follow.  The definition of orchestra emphasized the word arrange, so the next logical step was to look up the definition of arrange and for the sake of defining His Orchestra, I will replace ‘orchestra’ with ‘arrange’ and God’s Orchestra becomes God’s Arrange.

Arrange is a verb, circa 1789, with it’s etymology from Middle English arangen; and from Middle French arangier; from Old French, from a- + rengier to set in a row, and from reng, which means row.

ar·range,  -ranged; -rang·ing,  transitive senses,1 : to make preparations for : PLAN <arranged a reception for the visitor>
2 : to put into a proper order or into a correct or suitable sequence, relationship, or adjustment <arrange flowers in a vase> <arrange cards alphabetically>
3 a : to adapt (a musical composition) by scoring for voices or instruments other than those for which orig. written b : ORCHESTRATE
4 : to bring about an agreement or understanding concerning : SETTLE <arrange an exchange of war prisoners>
intransitive senses
1 : to bring about an agreement or understanding <arranged to have a table at the restaurant>
2 : to make preparations : PLAN <arranged for a vacation with his family>
synonym see ORDER
- ar·rang·er, noun

From the definition of arrange, I could see the emphasis on the word plan.  So following my earlier notion and replacing arrange with plan, God’s Arrange becomes God’s Plan.  

Now, I think we are getting somewhere, but can it really be this simple?  Would I find the meaning of God’s Orchestra, His Plan, in the dictionary? 

The definition of arrange shows me that God’s Orchestra can be defined, in part, when we allow Him to arrange the details of our life.  

When we allow God to direct our life, He will take our cacophonous circumstances and create a melodious arrangement for our good and His Glory.

In Word or Deed

"Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing."
I Thessalonians 5:11 (NKJV)

The Apostle Paul exhorted the Thessalonians to continue "just as you are doing." What are you doing to support your neighbor; your fellow Christian?

Are any among you hurting, sick or in need of encouragement?
If the way you are treating them is anything other than a loving and positive response to Paul's directive to comfort and edify, can you honestly say "...whatever you do in word or deed, [you] do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him" (Colossians 3:17 NKJV)?

Heavenly Father, show us where and how to extend the love of Christ to our brothers and sisters. Give us eyes to see the pain we inadvertently cause when we continue to focus on, or judge, their past instead of celebrating their mercy-filled present with you. May Your will be done, In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Read Between The Lines

"...looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls." - Hebrews 12:2-3 (NKJV)

Have you ever felt cold with the sun on your face?

Ever feel alone in a crowded place?

The pain inside,

You never fully can hide.

The past is always there

To haunt without a care...

Have you ever felt as though no one understood you?  As if you were all alone in a situation?  Perhaps the circumstances of life have left you feeling like no one has your back.  When you feel this way what are you focusing on?  Are you dwelling on your problems, stressors and worries? Or, are you able to change your perspective and view your situation differently?

We have all felt lonely at one point or another, but none of us have ever felt as lonely as Jesus must have felt on the cross the night He freely gave His life for us.  Feeling forsaken by His Father, the profound loss He experienced was expressed in agony as He cried out, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?"(Matthew 27:46).

If He freely remained on the cross for you and I, despite the loneliness, loss, betrayal, hurt and confusion then we should be able to look to Him when our emotions run parallel.   Remember where to keep your focus when you are feeling lonely, for it is in the midst of your circumstances that you find Jesus and realize you were never alone.